These Common Things Create Distance In The Relationship Between Son and Father, Identify Them And Solve Them Like This. There are many people in a person’s life whom he meets, inspires and wants to be like them. But among all those people, our father is the first man in our life who is our role model, our hero, whom we look up to, but always fear. The Indian father-son relationship is very complicated. And their relationship is even more difficult.
Truth be told, our relationship with our father has always been one of love-hate. There are many people who are unable to talk openly with their father even after growing up. Have you tried to find out the reason for this…..?
Maybe not…..! If you had tried to find out the reason behind this, you would have been talking openly to your father in any case. You have a fun relationship with your mother, she cares for you, spoils you, she cares for you and Father is always strict, he scolds you if you do something wrong. At one time he is very fond of you, but as you grow up, you feel a kind of alienation from him. Baba, Papa, Abba, Dad, Appa, Pitaji, Babuji, Bauji; All these addresses create a sense of respect as well as a sense of fear. Friends, today I tried to peep into the rift between respect and fear, which becomes the cause of bitterness in their relationship. This is how relationships can be improved –
1. Unfulfilled Aspirations
Catchphrase – But why don’t you want to become a doctor/engineer?
Everyone dreams; Some of them are fulfilled, others are not fulfilled due to circumstances. Imagine a boy who could not fulfill his heart’s wish, then he decides that now his son will fulfill his unfulfilled wish. There is nothing wrong in a father having dreams for his son and living his dreams through his children. But some fathers forcefully impose their desires on their children. Such an attitude creates bitterness in the son’s heart. He tries his best to live up to these expectations, but still does not feel that he has been able to make his father happy. Because of this, he starts hating himself and his father. We have to understand that sons are not necessarily meant to fulfill their father’s dreams. If someone does it out of their own free will, that’s fine. But it is not necessary that the already decided, drawn line on the stone should be comfortable for you. So always treat your child like a friend and see what he wants to do and what is his future plan. Instead of imposing anything, try to know his wish.
2. The Inability To Show Emotion
Catchphrase – Okay, And do well!
Handling of feelings has never been the forte of men. Showing feelings is considered a weakness, especially in our society. Our forefathers have always been strong; No tears, no talk of love, just a tasteless bitter love that is a habit inherited from our parents is not considered good. But they do not know that this behavior of theirs leaves its mark on a raw, innocent mind. A son looks up to his father as a man who will teach him worldliness and help him. If you don’t show any affection or feelings towards your son, then the son gets hurt. The result is that, not only is there a distance in her relationship with her father, but it also has an impact on future relationships.
3. Being ‘The Man’
Catchphrase – Boys don’t do this!
From early childhood, the son is taught to be the man of the house. It is told by the father that after him he has to be the sole breadwinner of the family. As a man, he has to follow in his father’s footsteps and become the ‘head of the family’ and the lamp of the family. This is an unspoken rule; An instruction that has to be followed. To a young boy’s mind, an already young life is hard to fathom, let alone put these things on him, Oh God! On that, son! If he decides to pursue a career in a field different from that of boys, it is often his father who tells him to adopt a career that is considered socially good for a man. their parents have to face difficulties in supporting their children.
4. Toughening Up
Catchphrase – Don’t cry! Boys don’t cry!
Whenever you fell, your father used to tell you to stop crying and forget about it. They were always taught to deal with their problems in the same way; Papa people keep trying to make you tough. Crying or yawning is not considered good, crying makes you weak. ‘Boys don’t cry’ is a saying that makes men think it’s a sign of weakness. But it’s time to change that. Crying isn’t a sign of weakness, but our dads sure made us feel that it is a sign of weakness. But understand this, everyone cries and crying and being a man have nothing to do with it.
5. Worldly-Wise
Catchphrase – The world doesn’t work like this!
In the process of worldlying their sons, fathers often teach tricks and lessons that may not always be good. The first time you get duped by a shopkeeper or when you get slapped, you are mostly lectured rather than explained. “The world doesn’t work the way you want it to.” You must have felt bad about it, but it has made you an adult anyway, it is a different matter that not in the best way. You must have been hiding your mistakes so that you don’t have to listen to another ‘sermon’. Fathers just want to make you street-smart so that you don’t repeat the same mistakes they did.
6. Enforcing The Rules
Catchphrase – just said it!
Indian fathers stay one step ahead and enforce the rules very strictly so that there is not even a bit of fun. Too many strict rules, they keep a person down. Too many rules often lead to rebellion in the child, especially if physical violence is involved. Exercising control over them creates even more rebellion against their father. Slapping, beating or insulting are of no use, only anger the youngest child. He may end up using this anger on others. It becomes a battle of wills, on one hand the son wants more freedom and on the other hand the father is trying more and more to blame the son with his own methods. There is no match for the arrogance of Indian fathers, “Battiya to tumhare papa band karenge” or “Papa to ATM hi hai.” It is funny to hear such things but it also irritates you.
7. Generation Gap
Catchphrase – In our time…
The biggest root cause of quarrels is the generation gap-there is a vast difference between our time and our father’s time and circumstances. Many things like mobile phones or laptops are not easily understood by them. They may not like the music you listen to, the sports you play or the shows you watch, or the way you grew up, that’s okay. You may often find that- Mana jumla must have been told, “In our time, we used to do this,” or “In our time, we did not fight with elders.” Sons just need to understand that their father is trying to be up-to-date. He doesn’t even think about how his son judges him in today’s time. This adds to the tension in an already fragile relationship.
8. Appreciation & Comparisons
Catchphrase – Only 98 have come, where have 2 marks gone?
Sharma ji’s son got 100 marks!
Instead of praising what the son has accomplished, most fathers emphasize how much more work he still has to do. This may be a good thing for the future, but when the desire for praise remains unfulfilled, a feeling of anger and despair arises in the son. He starts thinking that he always fails to get his father’s appreciation. The measure set by the father for his son puts a brake on their relationship. Adding salt to the wound, Indian fathers have a habit of comparing their sons with those around them. “If Rahul gets 98 why don’t you get 100? Though they are just giving you a little nudge to make you better than yourself, they are making you unhappy by not appreciating your efforts. Comparing doesn’t make anyone better, it only makes you doubt yourself. Some fathers unknowingly become harsh towards their sons, be it by nagging at their looks or their habits. All this creates an inferiority complex in the son’s mind.
9. Proud
Catchphrase – “A father is always a father”
Fathers are proud and right. They have borne and brought you up. Hence, when the son does not show due respect to his father, it hurts his ego and pride. But sons should also understand that fathers hesitate to ask you for help because they consider this thing below their ego. That’s why if the father has any need or needs any help, then immediately speak to the son, then the relationship will be good.
This Is How Relationships Can Be Improved
Fathers need to understand that their words have a profound effect on their sons. Sometimes they have to be a little soft so that they can show their sons that they can have fun too. He should give exemption to the son, it is beneficial for both. The son also needs to understand that behind that complaining face and rule-loving face, hides a person who wants the best for you and loves you. The paths shown by them may not always be right, but it is your responsibility as a son to understand it. Building a strong relationship with your father is a very important aspect of life. He is the first man in your life who will always be there to help you, support and guide you, but in his own way, not yours. After all, fathers are also human, they habitually say their own words, mistakes happen to them too. Do not keep any bitterness in your mind, talk with them. Listen to their stories, listen to their words of wisdom. They have a lot to say. Looking back, you will find that many times they were right.
Tell them your experiences, hang out with them. Even if he doesn’t talk much, keep talking. You keep doing all this for them, without asking. If you know what they like, get them that thing. They may feign anger, but in their hearts they will be happy that you remembered that thing. Watch a movie or two with him, watch it again and again. Apologize to them and give them a hug if you hold a grudge for something you’ve done to them in the past. Explain to them things like technology that they find difficult to understand. Try to befriend them. Whoever said that a son and a father can never be friends was wrong. Try to understand them and you will see that they open up to you. This is the way you can build a better relationship with your father. Watch movies like ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’ and ‘Sanju’; These movies show how our fathers don’t always talk to us about things. They are the men behind the scenes who make the movie of your life a success. Father’s love is hidden, it cannot be shown as much as mother’s love, but it does not mean that both are different.